Stay or Go?
BF and I live together and I’m bored. I’m unhappy and I was expecting so much more from this relationship. I wish he had a job or was bringing in steady income. I feel like I’m the man of the relationship and he’s my house wife. I pay all the bills and go to work while he’s at home with the kids. Should I be grateful that I have help? Why don’t I feel comfortable with this? Am I just using him to be an at home baby-sitter. It ain’t like he cleans the house all day. The house is always junkie and unorganized. He’s lazy. He would say something like, “I’m waiting to wash all the clothes before I fold them.” The washer is doing all the work. Now, that I bought a brand New LG washer with all the features, he’s more enthusiastic about washing clothes, but days of clean clothes piles up waiting to be folded. How you gone wash cloths then put them on the floor for days not folded and your home all day. That annoys me.
He tries to make me feel guilty when I ask him to please get a job. He makes up all the excuses in the world why not to work. He says that since he doesn’t have a degree, he’s not going to make enough money. Or that his check will be eaten by daycare and it doesn’t make sense. The most irritating excuse is that he doesn’t want to work and attend school at the same time so he can stay focused and get high GPA. This is a grown man; 37 years-old. It’s not like he just graduated from High School and going off to college. He’s grown, and got family to feed. As a man, he should be on survivor mode, hustling to take care of his family, But he want to leave me, a woman, to handle everything and take care of 5 people financially on my own, my teenage sister included. That is not right for a man to contribute to his woman’s suffering. He always says, he’s not making me depressed; I make my own self depressed. True, I control my own feelings, but how do you just let a person go. I can’t take it no more. I kept having hope for the future hoping things will change, I know I can’t change this man, but maybe I’m just hoping he will change if he really does love me.
He rather wait on me hand and foot, than get a job. I started to play along with it. I was like fine, treat me like a queen. Give me baths, wash my hair, paint my toes, rub my body down with lotion, have dinner ready, bring my plate, run errands…etc. The catch is, I have to ask…He won’t do it freely. I always have to ask him. And he will only do it if he feels like it. So….do I really have a Butler….I don’t think so.
I’m sticking to the plan. I gave him until December 24, 2011 to get his act together. If I still feel unhappy with this relationship my then, I’m leaving him. I’m sticking to this no matter what. Even though I feel a little uncomfortable being alone, I will eventually get over it and move on. I can better focus on me, than the drama of this relationship.